My bliss
by Shuna
Summary: Draco/Severus slash. Draco loved Severus, who in turn loved Lucius, and did not care. A certain friendship with Harry Potter didn't help at all. Involves caracther death and mentions of sex and alcohol. AU


_AN: __Response to my own challenge. It's a Snape/Draco slash with Harry and Draco being friends. It's more about Harry and Draco's friendship, but still._

_ Don't like, don't read and i's not mine. If it was, then I wouldn't have posted it on the internet, would I? _

Harry Potter was the first one who noticed. An enemy was the first to see the signs I subconsciously sent out, and he didn't chide me for it.

Harry never said anything to the others, even though he could have done it before he saved me from killing myself in a Quidditch match in the third year. After that, I offered him my friendship. When I learnt that he knew, I knew that he wouldn't tell others. He was a Gryffindor after all. He couldn't tell them because he was to damn noble and his own pride wouldn't have let him either.

Of course people thought we were a couple. I can no longer count how many times I have jinxed or hexed people of pure annoyance after they followed us.

Our friendship cost me status in my own house, and in Severus Snape's class, grades. I learned that being on the receiving end of the emotional abuse he displayed hurt twice as much when it was directed at you, than when you said nothing because of the feelings you have.

Harry asked me once. "Do you love him?"

"Yes, but you already know this."

"I just want you to know that I'm happy for you." He didn't add sarcasm, he just simply was happy that I loved someone. He never asked me why I loved Severus, or why I didn't find someone else when it was very clear that he didn't care about me at all. Not that way at least.

"You have never asked me why I love him." I challenged Harry once.

"Love happens as fast and as slowly as death does." He replied to me with a small grin.

"You totally ditched that out of a book, didn't you?" I smiled to him.

"Yes." he admitted with a laugh. "But it's true anyhow."

When the Dark Lord came back, Harry and I were still friends, but now I had to share many things with Voldemort and Severus, much to my despair. Personal things, forced out by spells and draughts. I talked Harry into disappearance. I gave him one of the thestrals our family owns, and a spear, and we parted on All Hallows Eve, in fifth year.

Harry was gone, and now, I was like a servant for everyone. My mother and father was worried about me, but they were to busy trying to please our Lord to notice what was wrong with me. I was moody and I needed time to think, something I was blissfully granted as I helped the Death Eaters prepare their raids and tortures.

But what I seeked, couldn't be found by silence and work. I wanted love, I wanted to fuck, and I needed to listen to. I needed many things, which I didn't allow myself to do or feel.

Severus, my hearts love didn't love me. He loved my father. He always did, and he had no interest in me what so ever. Not in the way I wanted anyway. He knew how I felt, but he didn't care about it.

Except when he was drunk. The times I stayed there when he was drunk were the only ones that I actually enjoyed. I enjoyed being with him. He was so much kinder when he was drunk, and we quite often slept together whenever it happened. The bliss my mind and heart had at these times was wonderful. At those times I was happy.

But when he fell asleep, I removed myself from him, as my mind became my own dark cloud again. I wouldn't let him wake up to the horrifying scene of a teenage boy lying naked next to him, to learn that you slept with your friend's son. And mostly because I was ashamed of that I used him when his mind was so weakened by alcohol to care if I was his hearts love's son.

And yet I wanted the sex so badly that I tried to be there as often as I could.

When I wasn't there, the only things I thought about was how pathetic my life was, how much I wanted Severus to love me too, and how much I wished that Harry was there. I actually cried myself to sleep, thinking Harry would think of a better way, or at least ease my mind for moment, and make things seem brighter on a cloudy day.

Everything would have been easier if Harry was there, because he would try to understand at the very least, even if he didn't.

And one day we finally met again.

Severus and I were in Australia, to pick some very rare herbs that we needed in a potion, when Bella attacked us. Apparently Severus was a traitor, and my aunt Bella stalked both of us to kill him off. He dropped silently, and I turned, to see her behind me. She was laughing.

She nearly killed me as I tried to kill her, blinded by hatred and sorrow.

But she didn't kill me. Not because she didn't want to, she wasn't given the opportunity. It was a stroke of my luck that someone came that moment. Someone who remembered me.

Someone whose life I had saved, and now he paid his dept back.

A spear whistled through the air, and hit my aunt in the heart. She died right away.

And on my side, there sat a boy with black hair and green eyes, on a thestral.

Harry jumped off, and put me on the beast, before he pulled out the spear from Bella's body. Then he buried Severus, even though I hadn't asked for it. I was too weak to do so. Maybe he did because he thought it was only fair to let people get buried.

Then, we flew to healer, who tended my wounds. All this without saying anything before he was sure that I would live.

Then he hugged me tightly. "I have missed you."

Harry taught me the forever which displays in the wilderness. Harry found his way to live here, and he taught me ho to do the same. No looking back unless past comes back in the form of real things, like life, hunger and thirst. Other than that, it's just survival. The skills you manage to maintain decide if you're a good hunter. Magic helps of course, but it can't solve everything.

The wizarding world learned to fend for themselves now that Harry was gone. They were able to throw Voldemort off without Harry's help.

Just like he learned to hunt and survive on his own. He never returned. We stayed in the wilderness, until Harry ended his days, at the age of 34. I know because I returned home for a bit, to see my father once again, before he too died.

After that I returned to Australia, where I still am. I returned to the eternity which lies in the wilderness. It was my gift to Harry Potter, who taught me what I truly gave him. Now that I fully understand it I know just how precious it is.


End file.
